The Four Basic Stokes

There are four basic strokes in swimming.  This is how it is described.  I was totally confused when I learned there weren’t more than four.  I mean, if they are basic, isn’t there room for a intermediate and advanced strokes?

Grace started in guppies, quickly advancing to tadpoles, then minnows, dolphins, sharks and then killer whale (ok they didn’t have killer whales but I am pretty sure we have had an coach or two who was one in a previous life).  OH GOD NO, she didn’t start in guppies, she started in Mommy and Me.  How in the hell could I forget this.

Mommy and Me.  A man started this.  A man who hates women.  Not all women, specifically, women who have given birth in the last 6 months.  Because there is no way any woman would ever think it was a good idea for a woman to wear a bathing suit 6 short months after having a child. We all know that the first child is the only one who does mommy and me swim classes.    The second wears floaties until she is 7, rips them off and passes the swim test on her first try.  She has known how to swim for years but mom is too busy with number three to notice.  Number three jumps off the diving board at three, bobbles to the surface and swims to the edge of the pool while the first time moms look in disgust and horror at mom (me) who has her nose in the newest US Weekly.   Survival of the fittest.

It took a year (ok three) for me to figure out which stroke was which.  As someone who didn’t “do” swimming as a child they all looked exactly the same to me.  Well, not backstroke, I am swim stupid but not swim idiotic.  Free style was the next one I figured out, as it looks much like backstoke but on the tummy.  Butterfly and breaststroke took a little longer.  I admit I don’t get breaststroke, it looks like a cross between a turtle yapping and a frog drowning to me but what do I know.  I do know there is a market for a new stroke, these four are going to get old someday.  I like the idea of a combo back/free where one rolls through the water like a torpedo.  I may patent this idea so back off.

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