You MISSED my race???????????

Don’t lie.  Everyone of us have missed our kids races!  And about half the time the kid figures it out.  How do they do that?

I missed Sophie race one summer evening.  She came up to me all kinds of pissed off.

YOU MISSED MY RACE!  She screamed in tears…HOW COULD YOU?

Gee, I don’t know let me think about this…

1.   There are 75 girls at this meet that are 8 and under
2.   74 of them are wearing navy blue suits, white caps and goggles.  (One mom was smart enough to put her kid in yellow and that bitch didn’t miss her kid swim)
3.  It lasted 24 seconds.  It is 10 PM and we got here at 3:30.  Sorry my eyes weren’t glued to friggin pool the WHOLE night.
4.  At 7:30 someone broke out some grown up juice that was straight vodka.
5.  Your sister was asking me for the 53 rd time if Abbey could spend the night, could she have money for nachos, could dad pick her up and if we could go out to eat.
6.  I spent the last hour in a state best described as coma because none of you have swam for the past three hours.
7.  I finally decided I couldn’t hold it any longer and decided to go into the nasty ass bathrooms and pee.
8.  On the way out I bumped into an old friend from college.

And right then, just then did I see you coming out of the water.  Damn, I am sorry.  But this shit happens.  Get over it.

If you did miss the race and your kid didn’t notice, here are some good questions to get you off the hook:

I couldn’t quite see the time, what was it?  …… That’s what I thought!
How did it feel?
How do you think you did?
What do you think you could have done different?
What did coach say?

Then give them ten bucks for concessions.

Note to self:  Screw the team suit.  Get the loudest, brightest, ugliest suit off the clearance rack.  Wear it to the meets.  Tell the coach you were racing out the door and the team suit was NO WHERE TO BE FOUND.  Swimmers are known for losing shit.  They won’t question this….

How not to miss your kid swim

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