Letting go

When normal people sleep, I like to worry about decisions that I can’t control and don’t even need to be decided this week, let alone tonight.  Staring at the ceiling is a bit of a hobby.

Sarah’s has played soccer with the same coach and players for the past four years.  As a team they have grown not only as players but as friends.  Sarah has always had somewhat iffy footings in soccer.  When she was younger what she lacked in talent she made up for in enthusiasm.  In the fall of last year she started showing some aptitude but then suffered a severe stress fracture in her foot and spent the remainder of the season in a cast.  This was actually her second stress fracture in as many years.  As spring soccer moved into summer swimming, I held out hope that she would gain a love of swimming and we could become a three kids swim family and I could give away my soccer mom tiara.  Don’t get me wrong, I love soccer but I am also lazy.  Unfortunately, Sarah continued a like for swimming.

This year I kept her in both swimming and soccer, both only practiced twice a week and with two fairly short soccer seasons we still had a scheduled I could manage.  Sarah’s love for soccer turned into passion and the stress fractures, related to growth, seemed to be a thing of the past.  Not only does Sarah adore the sport, her team and her coach, she has also become the lead scorer on her team.  And a ball hog.  We are working on that.

As we move into summer swimming, her amazing soccer team is looking to move the girls into a select league which will involve more practice, more games and yes you guessed it more money.  As much as I would love to say no, the answer is clearly yes.  I am very excited for her and to see where she goes in this sport.  Her goal is to play soccer at my alma mater.  Seeing as I went to college at the beach, at the coolest school, this is a noble goal.  I would be happy to visit her there.  After she gets through fifth grade of course.

Which brings me to the reason why at 11:47 I am writing this.  I am afraid this means letting go of swimming.  And it makes me sad.  Up until this year I thought swimming was a stupid sport and now I can’t sleep because I am trying to figure out how to let go of the notion that my life would be easier if all three of my kids were swimmers.  I need to come to terms with the fact that things are going to get more complicated as the girls grow and become their own people and that the easy way is not the best way.

I haven’t asked Sarah what she wants to do because I know what she will say, that she wants to do both.  I don’t think it is practical or possible.  Now that I have gotten this off my chest I think I will shop for new shoes.

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