I believe

I have a confession. I hate the “holidays”. I didn’t hate it when the “holidays” started on Thanksgiving and ended on New Years Day. I blame Target for making me dread the holidays. They take down the back to school display and put up Crapmas. Crapmas has replaced Christmas. It’s driven by am overwhelming desire to buy tons of crap as a means to show our love for others.

December is a tough month for swim families. We had three weekends of swim meets and we manage to sneak in practices even when the pool is closed. Mid December it dawned on us that we hadn’t put up a tree and the only thing on the mantle was a thin layer of dust.

I was able to get our tree up and threw a box of ornaments beside it. It became a work in progress, decorations were added here and there. Stockings were hung in the hopes that St. Nick would get her butt to the mall.

Personally, I opt to give each of the girls a wad of cash and be done with it. But for the fact that Sophie still “believes”. Chris and I have such a hard time with the charade. By some standards, we are considered “bad” parents. We don’t have an Elf. We don’t write letters to Santa. We don’t track Santa. We don’t oversell the myth. The legend. The Lie.

The other day at the pool I mistakenly got into a debate with a fellow swim mom. The long and short of it…her son was teetering on the Santa fence. Chris and I have been there twice. We can’t wait to go there a third time. For us it’s the end of a charade. For others, just the beginning.

This mom was willing to go to great lengths to continue the Santa facade. I don’t begrudge her that. But where I draw the line in the sand, she was willing to kick the shit out of it. She told her kids to tell any child that “didn’t believe” that they quite simply didn’t have god in their hearts and were going to hell. Awesome at its finest.

I have two non believers. One on the fence. When she asks I plan to give it to her straight. Is there magic in Christmas without Santa. I believe there is. As far as the parent who believes people who don’t believe in Santa are going to hell? Well, last I checked, yeah, umm, there is no such thing. Shocker that people hate the holidays huh?

I have been to the real Olympics

Atlanta 1996. That was really fun.

PVS Junior Olympics 2012 – not so much.

It was hands down the worst meet I have ever spectated.

It is interesting because the meet was very well run. The starters did a great job. They kept to the timeline. Results posted accurately and quickly online. Kids were lined up at the appropriate time and races were not missed. I would give them an A+ on that.

I won’t bore you with the long list of why this was the worst meet I have ever gone to but by Sunday late afternoon people were literally cheering when their kids did not make finals.  Hello, University of Maryland was the only option for a meet this size.  Who was in charge of this decision?

It is never good when there are about 10 of these parked out front, along with the fire marshal.  When the fire marshal has no interest in having dinner with his wife and kids and instead sticks around that is your first clue that you have about 10 times more adults that allowed shoved into one facility.

I would love to say I lost five pounds at the meet but unfortunately I carb loaded with my 12-year-old.


The little things in life

Grace swam 4 events at Junior Olympics today.  400 Medley Relay as lead backstroker, 200 back, 100 free and 50 fly.

Wonder genius mom didn’t really consider that with her seed times she would swim then all within about an hour.  My bad.

Grace has been fearful of relays.  A man who will remain nameless scarred her for life on them.  She rocked it and got a best time, her first AAA cut in 50 back!  Go Grace!

And that was the highlight of the meet.  We will take it!  A victory by all accounts.  Please swim GAWDS let her do it again tomorrow.


The highlights for me:

Getting to see my swim meet BFF!  She got to stay for finals and I didn’t.  But I got a Margarita and she didn’t!

Sitting next to a guy who refused to give up “his wifes purses seat” for a man who just had surgery on his leg and was on crutches.  Screw humanity, that purse needed to be comfy.  He literally left two minutes later and we all scored the front row.

Watching my friends twelve-year-old son eat TWO bowls of spaghetti faster than he swam 50 fly (26.37 thank you very much).  We wanted him to eat the second faster than the first, a little shoving food in your pie hole trials and finals if you will.

My daughter didn’t ask for the $79 blue tie-dye t-shirt.


I think tomorrow will be a soccer tournament update.  I will be outside for seven hours in 74 degree weather.  A nervous freaking wreck about one silly race.  That will hopefull take place in 30 seconds or less!

My 7 year old is blackmailing me to get a technical suit.

Valentine’s Day is the dumbest damn holiday.  My kids got more candy on Valentine’s Day than they did on Trick or Treat!  And no one sent me the memo that I was supposed to get my kids a present.  Yeah.  So, we didn’t.

They came running down on Valentine’s Day screaming “We love you”.  No wait, they didn’t.  They were yelling “What did you buy us for Valentine’s Day.  Yeah.Nothing.At.All.

Quick on my feet, I tell my husband “let’s tell them that we went to buy them new practice suits yesterday but they had so many cool new ones in that we decided to let them pick their own!”  I don’t know how I came up with this so fast but it was a total win-win because not only do they like buying new practice suits, but they actually need them!

What I didn’t count on was little miss Sophie being within ear shot.  She kept this information to herself.  For a while.  She then approached me alone, while I was shopping on Nordstrom.com (knowing that I would likely say yes to just about anything) and said “instead of a practice suit I want a tech suit”.  Nordstrom didn’t have anything that I couldn’t live with out on this particular Thursday so I happened to hear her.  “What huh?” I say.  Her –  “I WANT a tech suit!”

Just so you know, when I see a kid doing a 49 second 25 back stroke at a mini meet wearing a tech suit, I think to myself those parents should be shot!  A suit isn’t going to help this kid shave 2 seconds off much less the 20 seconds she needs to!  I mean REALLY?!?!   A tech suit for a 7-year-old!?!?!  We held out until Grace was 12 and Sarah couldn’t care less (she does want a $100 bag to carry a soccer ball around in though).  There is no way in hell I am shelling out $120 for a suit for a 7-year-old.

Back to the story.   She looks me square in the eye with those steely eyes of hers and says…”I will tell Grace and Sarah you forgot Valentine’s Day.

My palms turned sweaty.  I started to get a little nervous and my heart skipped half a beat.  I am really panicking at this point.  Then I remember that I don’t give a shit.

I look my other two square in the eye and say, “remember when I told you I wanted you to pick your own suits?  It was a total lie.  Dad and I didn’t buy you a thing”.  (They should learn how to self gift, as luck would have it I DID find some new shoes and thanks to Nordstrom free shipping I was wearing them two days later).  Take that blondie.  I am not afraid of you.

My oldest walked off with a smirk on her face.  I’m starting to think she was in on it.