The last time that happened…

No never.

All three girls are swimming in the A meet this Saturday for our summer swim team.  This will be the first time ever that all three girls swam at the same time and place.  With the girls being two years apart they are never in the same age group.  Rarely do I have two in the same session.  From time to time we even have simultaneous meets in different locations.  All three girls at once – never.

I am pretty excited about it. I did have to warn the coach Sophie was prone to crying after races that didn’t go her away.  Fingers crossed for no 8-year-old shit fits this weekend.

I am of course running concessions.  I got some of those massive pixie sticks.  We may have a Toddlers and Tiara’s moment here and there.  Saturday won’t get here soon enough, I can’t wait!


This is NOT Toddlers and Tiaras

Not only do I let my kids watch Toddlers and Tiaras but I encourage it! I want them to see what it looks like when mom doesn’t workout, doesn’t have all of her teeth or marries a man who likes to wear pink (and sparkles).

It backfired. Now my girls are begging me to let them do a pageant.

This is not going to happen. Why you ask? Let me tell you why. There is no way in hell I am letting my kids be judged based on the way they look. I mean, they would win and shit and that wouldn’t be fair. More importantly though, pageants aren’t a sport.

I am starting to doubt swimming is either.

My daughter curls or flatirons her hair before practice (but never both).

She wears skinny jeans to dryland (as a personal trainer, group fitness instructor AND the owner of, none of this makes any sense to me).

Waterproof mascara? The norm.

12. Yes. She is 12. Couldn’t point to a boy in her group and call him by name so it obviously isn’t a boy.

Favorite pastime with her swim friends – going to the mall and buying things at Abercrombie and Fitch. Doesn’t matter what as long as it is a tank top, yoga pants or skinny jeans.

It’s a freaking pageant before the meet, after the meet, and let’s be real – in between races.

We don’t “do” Red Bull and Pixie Sticks. Too trailer park. Swimming is a high class sport – we do Starbucks, Godiva and Swedish Fish.

Screw ribbons, we are changing the kids names to Brialeighanna, Haileyashleigha, and Lovelyfastswimmer (Tiara names at their finest). Give me a goddamn tiara. I am wearing the bitch home.